We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
