addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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