it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
