omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
