did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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