Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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