i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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