if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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