I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I believe in your delicious
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
