he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
