I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
