He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
