you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
