I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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