Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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