i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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