I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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