Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
