he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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