What did we do last night that was yellow?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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