i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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