Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
