I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
