My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
