I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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