someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
