i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
