I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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