My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
