I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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