Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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