Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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