I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
