Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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