Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
