Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
