don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
