I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
