so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
