O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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