He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
