grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
