If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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