oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
