Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He shit in the fireplace
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
