I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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