booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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