absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he told me I talked like a deaf person
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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