I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
