Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
