but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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