so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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