I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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