Pappa wants mamma naked
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
