You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
