Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
