Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
