Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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