Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
