You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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