nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I will die if light touches me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
