Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
