I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
did you just send me my own nude
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
