i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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