yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
