i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
