pop tarts are not kleenex
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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