I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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