maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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