I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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