I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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