I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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