Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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